The Path

I'm not too sure, but I'm more than half way

I wanna get there, but I get better every day

They say " you gotta believe in what you pray"

But it's a little hard when it doesn't go my way

It don't matter, I'll just keep on push'n

I'll put my part in, and he'll keep on loving

His Grace is Glory, and I know His stories

Maybe not all of them, but he knows I'm sorry

Sometimes, I had enough of myself

Expecting his love, I got fed-up with myself

Sin-on, Sin-off, that ain't good for my health

Can't get past him, you ain't playing no stealth

Challenges, cliffs, and mountains to overcome

Where faith be fighting science, it's got me feeling so dumb

Criminals, despicables, and demons- they run

From His light, illuminated by the blood of His Son

He's got my back, and I got His, that's the least I could do

I'll be walking on His path, like You-Know-Who

Well, I'm not exactly him, heck I'm far from that

Everybody knows it's so hard to do,

Not impossible, you could do it, too

The only question is "what are you willing to risk"?

Pointing to the cross, "can you end up like this"?

My Lady God

She has always loved me... even before I came into existence

She has guided me in the dark, even when I showed Her resistance

She has given me strength, despite my works in weakness

And though fear has rendered me still at times

The Lady has strengthened me to withstand the demons

It is true, that I have hurt Her before...

By both my actions and words

I have broken Her heart... yet She still warmed mine

And though I've walked away before, She waited with arms wide open in the sands of time

Always there, always loving, always present

And though She cannot speak, She is most definitely not mute

Respect, love, and even fear She deserves

My life is completely Hers

I don't want to be the reason She cries

I don't want to be the reason Her Son died

But I am

Now... I want to bring a smile to Her Glorious Face

And I don't want to cause pain

To Her or the rest of Her creations

And though I may not be perfect

I will try to be, and not to avoid damnation

But to provide exhilaration, love, laughter, and joy

Even if She decides to test me in a strange enemy filled fog

I will love Her... my Lovely Lady God.

P.S. to my true love. I love you, I'm sorry I've disappointed you. I will do better. I'll bring the chocolate and roses later on.

The Balance and the Calm

I look at you and I smile,
for you are just like me.
You are just like everyone one else...
who has the ability to love...
to hate...
to be hurt...
and to defend thyself.
Though, there is one characteristic
that I do admit is rather sour.
And that is your ability to contort & deform your fear,
into a collective power.
Like the long dead Fuer, marred by the world,
he gathered dreading minds and similar thoughts
into a missile of spite and lunatical froth.
You seek not the halcyonic waves of empathy
to tread your boat of unity,
but rather, you take the tides of social coercion
in hopes of controlling the random ripples of life.
Honey over vinegar catches the flies;
Somehow, that saying passed you by.
I would like to let you know, that I am as fragile too.
We were made from the same sand (you and I),
but my fires were different in my ascent to glass.
You are beautiful.
You are intelligent.
You are wanted.
You are worthy.
You are strong.
You are good enough for any crystal collector.
And if sonic darkness or life's quakes shall try to
break your gleam,
Shine with the love and the light that you have obtained,
and be better than what has been presented
to overcome that insecurity.
Be not rash or hard headed.
Be not rabid or quick tempered,
but practice the Balance and the Calm.
It is not too late to have it be done.
I believe in you, as others have believed in me.

Blood, Bone, and Soul

Even though we have never met, I miss you.

I long for you the way the earth longs for warmth in the winter.

Blistered are my lips from this weather,

I contemplate if there is something far from deader.

They say you will find me... all I have to do is wait.

Eternal, it seems, that time comes to pass.

How shall I spot you?

What makes you different... or what will make you different?

Not another petticoat that passed my palm.

Not another pair of lips that I have merely grazed.

What will define you from the rest of the gentlewomen?

Your body? Your voice? Your spirit & virtue?

Every single one of these mention that they are different...

That they are unique and unlike the other squaws.

Perhaps they truly believe this-

But they truly are different... to a certain point.

Maybe the sign I'm waiting for... is no sign at all.

You will not say that you are different.

You will not say that you are unique.

Nor will you say that you are the same

or straight off the assembly line.

I assume that your actions shall do the talking.

As well as your tender words.

Like a match of chess, I will have to calculate my move.

Will that deter you... my calculations.

What if I was bold and brazen?

Shall that overwhelm you?

Everything is concealed in a fog of uncertainty at this moment in time.

Not blindness, but an outline of things I do bear.

I think the answer to my dilemma is...

I'll work with what I have to find you... or wait for you.

And I will use what I shall acquire to be with you.

You will be the one who accepts me... blood, bone, and soul.

I will do the same.

And we will be one when I have aided you in your goals... and you have aided me in mine.

That is how I will know.

Muscle

Everything is a muscle. Not just your biceps or triceps, but I mean the brain... the brain chemistry, the cognitive ways of thinking, including pattern recognition. This is an amazing gift that we have been given... or something that we might have just evolved into. Many will agree with the latter end of the last sentence.

Pain is welcome in my house, only so that I may evolve into a stronger individual. I'll savor the moments when I'm bathing in the positive energies so that I may relax to catch the next wave of ass-whoopings that life has to offer me. I mean, sure, it drags for a while... you might even say it sucks a whole assortment of different ass, but in the end... we grow that muscle. Whether it be emotional, short term memory, long term memory, stamina, tissue, tolerance... these are just some of the goodies in the benefit bag of "hard work, blood, sweat, tears, and headaches".

There are ways to cope with the pain. Meditation could serve as a pain killer... just like a real pharmaceutical product. There have been tests that show that prayer and meditation raise the levels of serotonin (promotes feelings of well being) and dopamine (pleasure). Mix that with a bit of exercise, a healthy diet, good sleep, and positive social networks, and your face should be sporting a smile as big as the Cheshire Cat (that creepy thing from Alice in Wonderland).

Keep on rolling with those punches though. If you fall of the horse, you can either shoot it or get back on. I prefer you get back on... I like horses. I'm not big on mules. If you fall off a mule you can shoot that.

But anyways. That's my rant for the day. Till next time Ravens.

p.s.- God is good... all the time. All the time... God is good. Just ask, and then give back any way you can (I'm not talking about money, just pay it forward).

Fall-mance

Romance seems to be dying out... well, it seems that way for the broke-ass college student. Whatever happened to a bouquet of roses being less than 60 bucks.

Is poetry corny... psh yeah, in an awesome kind of way! Try and be original is what I say. Sure, you can go off with Frost, Whitman, or Shakes, but when it flows out the top of your dome, be sure not to focus on how it came out. It is an art form, so let it flow. Rhyme like the love-thug you are. Represent!

I'm an old school kind of guy. Dinner, movie, parks, local spots, grassy lawns, star gazing, and if I'm up for it, a bit of dancing... but relaxing is more of my forte. Swimming is pretty romantic too... that is if the frat dudes aren't doing keg-stands nearby. Ah those crazy bro's, God bless them.

Grocery shopping, mall shopping... any type of shopping is still pretty good in my book... just check the account before you start buying things like billionaire Bruce Wayne. Oh, and if you can pull it off without looking so damn obvious, open doors and pull seats. You know what... just don't do it. Be mysterious, like a love ninja.

Hit the gym every now and then. If you have time to sit down and watch an episode of How I Met Your Mother ( great show by the way), then you can spend some time on the treadmill or the weight area.

Fall is such a good time for all of this. The air is fresh, right before the big holidays. If you don't have anyone special, spend some time with your friends. Be romantic with them... unless they're going to tease and make fun of you for bringing wine to watch the game. Don't risk it my friends. Stick with beer, chips, and dip.

Oh, and dress well. Dress to impress people. Don't go to far out there, though. If you are going to your girlfriend's nephew's 8th birthday party, leave the DKNY suit, and go with something a bit more laxed. You don't want the family to think your an even bigger scumbag. I swear, you forget to cancel the exotic dancer once and they'll have it over your head forever! Man, I wish my 8th b-day party was like that... THEY SHOULD BE THANKING ME!... anyways, I digress.

Well, those are some tips I have for romance in the Fall. Love life ya'll.

P.S.- Restraining orders are probably a good sign that you should move one. It should be obvious to most people, but you'd be surprised. I mean, Wow.... you know. Till next time my ravens.

Goldilocks and the Line

Out here, we are all like Goldilocks... yes the curious girl with the porridge and the three bloodthirsty bears who just happen to talk and live in a cabin where they all have their own way of doing stuff. We keep trying new things until we find the right one. This one is too hot, this one is too cold, this one is just right... wait a second... there's raisins in it!

Now the question is, do you eat the raisins and keep on eating the porridge out of respect for the work that went into it... enjoying the taste, but still knowing that the raisins are there messing with you... or do you go out there and find the right bowl of porridge? Settle, or do you keep on going?

Well screw the porridge. So I'm back to the same topic. The person you are currently seeing has all these great things about them, but there are just a couple of things that get in the way. Again, you put time, energy and patience into it, but where is that line where you say "that's enough".

Usually, when people like each other, they continue to like each other in the beginning of the relationship. If things should arise, hopefully, it isn't at the very start. If they do happen to pop up, then BAM! ... that's a sign that you should get the hell out of there... or you can work it out, whatever sinks your ship... or floats your boat- whatever.

Or... you can actually see where things take you. Have faith. In many cases, faith is the only thing that keeps you from going crazy. Have faith that it will get better. Overcome your emotions, talk it out... meet in the middle. Be okay with the bowl of porridge at an early age... enjoy the taste... you might even grow to like the raisins. Do you even know what kind of poridge you like- I mean really?

Can you go back to the porridge after you let it grow cold? Can you heat it up again? Do you even want to? Do you want to put up with the raisins? What do you want?... I guess you should take your time and think about it. Ask God for guidance if it helps.

Yeah, you just read a blog about porridge.

In New Lands

Comfort comes from all sorts of places in our lives. Some people delve in drugs to get away from reality. Food never judges. Dreams in sleep temporarily take us away from this world. Many of us get carried away by all this and completely ignore the fact that excess amount of any of these comforts may potentially be harmful.

It takes more energy to leave the comfortable than to be swept away by it. The same can be said about relationships, or the lack of one. Solitude for an individual is comforting in a time of "storm and stress", the life stage where uncertainty and growth take place. As emotional creatures, we seek happiness wherever it may be found, and avoid pain as much as possible. Our brains are capable of mapping out certain situations that we have experienced before so that we may welcome the good ones with open arms, and repel the negative ones with extreme conviction. Sadly, this survival mechanism that we have implanted in our being can morph into something sinister if left unchecked. Fear. Stagnation. Painful routines... all for the comfort of what we already know... of what we are already used to.

"No pain, no gain". True... true for almost everything. Unfortunately, there are a handful of confused individuals who fall for the same person, in the same situation, in the same geography (or not). And for some strange reason, they see the same signs, they feel the same pain, and feel the same trauma as before. Two things can happen afterwords. - Usually after morning the relationship and most of the numbness has subsided, one can find another person of the same character type with minor differences, or they can go for someone completely new, which can be twice as frightening. Like a bad game of poker, there is almost no way of knowing what the other person is holding in their palms. The anxiety can be unbearable.

Though, what is love without risks? What is life without risks for that matter? One might be comfortable knowing the pattern, but even if there isn't a higher level of love, there is great possibility in taking a risk. Just acknowledging the fact that life will most certainly have its ups and downs, one can enjoy the "up" of a new relationship with someone who is completely different from previous personalities, and learn from the "downs" that may appear. Though it might be uncomfortable at first, being in new lands may bring prosperity and joy down the road. One can nurture the exotic land into something more comforting, much like redecorating the the interior of a house with one's personality while still maintaining the true essence and structure of the home.

Be warned. It takes time, energy, pain, attention, and much emotional, psychological, and spiritual effort to truly be happy. The contradiction of this statement is obvious, but remember that life in itself is one giant contradiction as well. We are born, only to die. So we love, only to face the certainty of pain. Enjoy the "ups" in these new lands... try not to focus on the steep hills. For not knowing, temporary uncomfort, and new experiences can be some of the most exciting times one can have in this lifetime.

Let it Beat Fast

I was asked by a dear friend of mine if I remembered what love was. If I remembered what true love felt like. To be honest, it has been such a long time that I didn't really have an answer for that.

There was this wonderful girl that was the center of my world. I loved her unconditionally. We went out for about more than a year. They were great times... wonderful times filled with movies, parks, adventures, hugs, kisses... you know, the whole package. It was amazing. My first ever TRUE love. Nobody ever forgets their true love... unless they have some sort of amnesia, like Alzheimer's disease. I feel sorry for those types of people, for I believe that they are in some sort of horrible limbo, but perhaps they forgot about all the pain that came with that love as well.

Pain... that is all that was left at the end. You give your heart to someone, you give your weaknesses. Your insecurities. Your everything. Reciprocity is the same on both levels of the spectrum though. You give love, you get love. You give pain, you get pain... and vice versa. This is no secret. You've been there I assume... shit happens.

The best parts where when we would show affection to each other in the areas that we thought deserved none. For example... my ex had this cute way of being insecure about one little tooth she had. Oddly enough, I thought that was the cutest thing about her... so I kissed her there and she would hate it, simply hate it. The angrier she got, the cuter I thought she was. But see, there was a certain air of miscommunication. Looking back, I think that she might have thought I was mocking her, but that was far from the case. I wanted to show her that whatever she hated about herself, I loved. I think she did the same with me, too.

The physical was never a serious problem between us... it is for many I hear... no, I know. But, that was never the case with us. The inferno was internal. The green eyed monster would show up and make a blasted mess out of everything... and he popped up in random places. In malls, movies, magazines... in our schools, grocery stores, and at church for Heaven's sake! It felt like heartburn, or battery acid melting on our nerves.

It is true what they say, you know. The ones who are closest to our hearts can hurt us the most. Tit for tat. I heard from some of my co-workers that the first few couple of good months were referred to as the "honeymoon" phase. Guy talk... hell, maybe dames use that term, too. I dunno.

Anyhow, the whole point of this entry was to just come to terms with going on with love just as one comes to terms with going on in life when something shitty happens. You look back, you learn, and you try to make the best out of it. No love experience is ever the same. It is different. There is no... "better than this one"... there is no "not as good as the other one"... it is just a different type of love. I understand that the first love experience is probably the strongest in the many people's opinions... it is for me anyways, but I don't expect there to be any other "higher" level. Love with another person is like... liking certain movies directed by different directors. I love this one movie directed by Guy Ritchie, but not in the same way I love that other movie directed by Guillermo del Toro. If anything, I love the lessons that I have learned about myself... and where the green monster might pop up- so I can punch it in its ugly mouth.

Just roll with it. See what else you learn about yourself. You might even choose to stay with them for your entire life. Go ahead and test those waters. Try and keep a good sense of communication between yourselves, and always remember what is best for your psychological and emotional health. Unhealthy emotions and unhealthy ways of thinking can manifest themselves physically, and they can even take a toll on your body after a while. Protect your heart, in all senses of the word, but don't be afraid to take risks, because that's when it beats the fastest.

Love Left on the Sand

So this one is as mushy as the last one, but this was my first serious poem that I took my time with back in high school. It has been a good while since high school, I can tell you that much.

This one is Love Left on the Sand

Ah yes. The ocean. The beach. The sea.

God, how I miss you.

How I miss you lying beneath me upon the small grains of sand,

holding you tight, right next to me,

with my protective arms and hands.

As I kissed you while you were looking up at me,

nothing was more calm and soothing than the slow moving sounds of the sea.

Because of you, the sea means much more to me.

Our lips collided in a splash-like motion,

that seemed to resemble that of spectacular waves,

at the same time,

hoping that the moment will continue day, after day, after day.

Your eyes. God, I can still remember your eyes.

If anything, your eyes I shall never forget.

Golden brown, almost yellowish,

kind of like the setting sun.

Strange, how they make me want to run,

Not in fear, but in happiness and in fun.

Your hair was covered in squishy wet mud,

and small ticklish waves gently kissed our feet,

making our hearts rapidly beat... faster and faster.

Why?

Why can't we go back there?

There to the place where time seemed to stand still,

just for you and me.

Lets go back please,

before I fall to my knees.

Lets go back to the place where the sun settled.

Settled ever-so magically, as it faded away behind the mystical sea,

and it did so, just for you and me.

Lets go back to that one spot on the beach,

isolated only by two gigantic rocks,

like guards defending us from the cold outside world

that would ridicule and mock.

Oh, how I long for the taste of your smooth and silky skin,

which held the radiant essence of calm beach and sea.

Sweet, yet salty,

nothing seemed to bother me.

Lets go back.

Lets go back to the place that was made for you and me.

Ah, yes.

Lets go back to the Ocean, to the Beach, and to the Sea.

Brought to you by your friendly neighborhood ALfie.

Killing Me Bitterly

Hello everyone, this is my first post on this interesting website, and I must admit that it is quite customizable.

I have just come to the realization that I did not put any of my poems in electronic form, so I am putting them all on here for back-up purposes, but feel free to comment on them. I hope you enjoy.

This first one is Killing Me Bitterly

I've been watching you walk that walk

That sexy strut you do, you do to me

My attention, and my affections become yours

Immediately and intimately, I am yours

Yours to keep, yours to play, and yours to use

I make my days as you lay your sensual gaze on this poor soul

This poor lonesome soul

Waiting for the perfect moment, the moment to lay

To lay a hand on your garment, your sacred garment

Holding my breath until you say "yes"

"Yes you may", "Of course you can" and "Why did you take so long"

"So long for you to grasp me, to clench me ever-so tightly"

Yet, I know those words shall never be uttered

Never amongst the wanting, the unworthy

The physically inferior

I will not lie, for I am not the strongest guy

Nor am I the handsomest, nor the most dashing

I am the "Average Joe"; But make no mistake

I can still go toe-to-toe with any cabron

This nobleman lives a life by a code, and a credo

This is the body of a gentleman with a rough heart

I will treat you like my reina preciosa en un trono de nuves

But please, don't fall from grace and kill my taste

By treating me bitterly, by killing me bitterly

Of course, I can make you my goddess

Mi diosa, mi hermosa

Mi hermosa creatura de pasion, si tu lo quieres

If you allow it to be

Dejame serte feliz junto a mi

By my side, I will make you melt and yearn

For me and no one else

All senses shall know no numbness

For they will be alive, and so will you

Y ahora que?

What is your next move

I hope it's to remind me on how to move

For I am love stricken

Its hard to palpitate

Your making it hard to concentrate

So let me skim your porcelain skin

Y tocar tus labios tan lentamente

Let me in please, or leave me out in the rain

Soaking ever-so somberly in the pelting lonliness

I don't know exactly what you're doing to me

But as long as you're not killing me bitterly.

I hope you liked it.